Sharing precious and valuable moments with children is something that is very difficult to do when the parents are no longer together.  However, it does not have to be inflamed by the animosity or discordance shared amongst parents.  Birthdays, holidays, special occasions are all very significant to the family as a whole and should be cherished.  Oftentimes, these special moments can be ruined by something as simple as parents refusing to communicate.  In my practice, I always receive an influx of telephone calls right around the holidays, about child visitation.  And although I can address some of the problems that arise after the fact, there is very little I can do to help a parent recapture the most memorable time of a holiday.  I have compiled a list of things both parents can do to minimize the possibility of that happening to them.
Here is a list of  things to do to ensure a joyful holiday season with child visitation:

1. Keep an Open Mind, Flexibility is Important.

Try to remember that the children are adjusting to the split up of the family too.  Allowing them to have some say in how they wish to spend their holiday is essential.  Spending the eve of the holiday or splitting the holiday (if possible), in lieu of the entire day, may be options to explore. 

2. Try to Devise a Plan in Advance.

The earlier you plan the holidays, around your schedule, your child(ren)’s wishes and what is practical, the smoother things should go.  Talk openly about the specifics of the holiday with the entire family, including the other parent.  If there is no Family Court order, then devise a plan.  If there is, then it’s also a good idea to know and understand your court ordered child visitation schedule down to the most basic details. 

3. Get in the Holiday Spirit.

The holidays are times to create loving, fun, joyful memories.  At times you have to work at creating those memories for everyone, especially your child.  Try not to think about the time the child(ren) will be away from you, focus on the time they will spend with you.  Keep a level head! 

4. Stick to the Plan.

Ensure that you follow the plan devised (whether the one devised by you or the court).  Avoiding unnecessary last minute changes can prevent disruption in the holiday schedule, as well as costly trips to Family Court.
5. Get the Whole Family Involved.

If you get the whole family involved in the planning, the facilitation and the incorporation, the probability of the child(ren) experiencing “sadness” is minimized.  Having the entire family involved in planning early on, helps to make up for the absence of former family traditions.
6. Create New Family Traditions.

Some former family traditions may be impossible since the family unit is restructured.  There is nothing wrong with creating new ones, especially when the entire family is involved.  Family members may take on new or different roles, while keeping the attention on the festivities.

7. Allow the Child(ren) to Express Themselves.

Parents who divorce  or separate have to face the tremendous emotional and psychological effect on children.  Many things parents take for granted are what typically mix up children’s feelings, i.e. how he/she thinks the split is their fault.  Don’t discourage the child(ren) from talking about the other parent or past memories, they are still a very important part of their lives, even if they are not as important to you.

8. Allow Yourself to Express Feelings.

Holidays can be very sentimental, especially if the split was recent.  It’s perfectly healthy to have mixed feelings about the change in family structure.  Trying to avoid these feelings or deny that they exist does not fool anyone, especially not the child(ren).   In can be quite comforting to parents and the children to openly express their feelings.

9. Acknowledge New and/or Additional Family Members.

Step-parents and step-families will more than likely be an integral part of new family traditions.  Keeping them in mind when planning holidays only adds to smoothing out the transition.  Do not attempt to replace anyone with an addition to family but accept the addition as that, an addition.

10.  Capture Each Moment.

Pictures, pictures, pictures.  Try to memorialize every moment as if it were the last.  Having child custody or child visitation, the focus is still the child.
          Although court ordered child visitation schedules can be helpful, they almost never address every possible situation.  It helps to work out a schedule that is feasible, practical and reasonable in advance and then have it signed by the judge.  Most often the courts will not want to get too involved with working out the details, but sometimes it is necessary when the parties are so contentious that they are unable to.  The more details provided in the order the little chance for misunderstanding.  However, conversely, the more detailed the instructions in the order the less room for deviating from that order in the event there is a change in either parents plans.  In either situation, it is always best if the parties communicate openly and honestly.

        If you have issues regarding a current child visitation schedule, order or plan feel free to contact my office to discuss these issues.

Here are additional New York child support facts:

11.      A non-married custodial mother needs to establish legal father to sue for child support.  Paternity must be established before a child support obligation may be imposed, being named as the father on the child’s birth certificate does not establish one as the “legal father”.  The father signing an Acknowledgement of Paternity or having a judge enter an Order of Filiation establishes legal father.
12.      Where the parents were not married at the time the child was conceived and paternity is questionable, a paternity test should be done as early as possible.  Providing any financial or emotional support for the child before a paternity test is done may prevent the court from entertaining a request for paternity after the fact.  They may do so under legal theories called res judicata or collateral estoppel.
13.      There is a “presumption of legitimacy” where a child was born while the mother is married to a man.  This means that even if the child is not the biological child of the husband’s, the law presumes that the child is his when making a determination for child support.
14.      If the non-custodial parent’s annual basic child support obligation reduces his/her income below the single person federal poverty level, which is $10,210 for 2007, then his/her support obligation may be reduced to $50/month or the difference between the support obligation and the poverty level, whichever is greater.  If the annual basic support obligation reduces income below the self-support reserve, which is 135% below the federal poverty level, then his/her support obligation may be reduced to $25/month or the difference between the two, whichever is greater.
15.      Income for the purposes of calculating child support obligation includes disability benefits, social security benefits, unemployment benefits.  One time or non-recurring benefits may also be considered income, such as lottery winnings, insurance payouts, discharge from indebtedness and paybacks for loans made.
16.      Income for the purposes of calculating child support obligation is reduced by Medicare, social security and city taxes.  The total of these taxes usually amount to 10% of one’s income.
17.      “Mandatory” add-ons to the basic child support obligation include reasonable daycare expenses and unreimbursed medical expenses.  “Discretionary” add-on expenses include educational expenses for private, secondary or special education.
18.      Although the court has the authority to deviate from the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) they rarely do.  A few instances where they will more than likely deviate is when there is extended visitation with the non-custodial parent which substantially reduces the custodial parent’s expenses due to the extended visit or where the costs on the non-custodial parent for exercising visit with the child are huge and affects the resources of that parent.
19.      Although the CSSA states that the court is to add both parent’s adjusted gross income together and then apply the applicable percentage to the combined adjusted gross income, they often apply the calculation to the non-custodial parent’s income only.  Applying the calculation to the combined income is most relevant when determining the parties’ pro rata share for mandatory and discretionary add-ons.
20.     The statute of limitations for enforcing a child support order has been changed from six years to twenty years.

          Although child support hearings may seem straight forward, there are instances where one should not attempt to appear without representation.  Non-salaried or self-employed non-custodial parents should consult with an experienced New York family law attorney. 

Contact our office to discuss other issues concerning child support cases.

          Many New Yorkers familiar with the child support laws, either by being thrust into the arena or voluntarily entering the ring, think they know enough to present their case or defend their position without the need to consult with an expert.  However, many of the common beliefs about child support are misconcepted, misunderstood or misguided.  I have chosen to disspell some of the most coommon myths, misconceptions and confusion about one of the most significant areas of law.

Here are some:

  1.     The support obligation is required for a child up to he/she reaches 21 years unless he/she becomes emancipated before that age by: marriage; full-time employment earning enough to be self-sufficient; enlisting in the armed forces; abandoning the parents’ home without reason or consent; or some other act where the child becomes self-supporting. 
  2.     Step parents are obligated to support step children if the children would otherwise become recipients of public assistance.  However, that obligation ends once the step parent and the biological parent divorce or dies.

  3.     If both parties share physical custody, the non-custodial parent still has an obligation to provide financial support.  The only circumstances where the courts would apportion support is if there is “split custody”, where one child lives with one  parent and his/her sibling(s) lives with the other.

  4.     Parents can legally enter an agreement regarding the amount of support to be provided, without court intervention as long as the amount is not less than $25.00 per month, both parties review the Child Support Standards Act (”CSSA”) and determine what the support obligation would be based on the statute.  These provisions must be included in the agreement to be enforced by the court.
    5.     If the custodial parent is on public assistance, the Human Resources Administration (”HRA”) can sue the non-custodial parent for support.  If the court directs an Order of Support of $25 per month, then HRA will give that entire amount to the custodial parent plus entitled benefits.  If the Order of Support is $50 or more, the custodial parent will get only the first $50 dollars plus entitled benefits.  If the Order of Support is more than the entitled benefits amount, then public assistance will be terminated and replaced by the Order of Support.

  6.     Once child support arrears has accumulated, the court cannot reduce or wipe out arrears.  The court only has the authority to amend the amount of arrears if there is a modification petition before it and it addresses the arrears that accumulated from the date of filing the petition.  Most issues concerning arrears must be directed to the Office of Child Support Enforcement (”OCSE”) or the Support Collection Unit (”SCU”).

  7.     Cost of Living Adjustments (”COLA”) are disputable.  In non-public assitance cases the enforcement agency will review the Order of Support every two years to determine if the amount should be adjusted based on the cost of living for the area the child resides in.  Once the non-custodial parent receives notice that such adjustment has been made, he/she has thirty (30) days to object.  Once an objection is filed, the case must go before a Family Court Support Magistrate for review.

  8.     Failure to pay child support, pursuant to court order, for a child 16 years or under is a class A misdemeanor.  If there is such failure more than once within a five (5) year period then it is a class E felony.

  9.     You may still have an obligation to provide financial support for your children after your parental rights were terminated.  Your obligation ends once the children are actually adopted not before.

  10.     Additional children born after your Order of Support was entered, is not a basis for the court to reduce the support obligation unless the additional children live in the household with you.  If the additional children’s other parent lives in the household, then his/her income will be considered and if the amount of income of both parents, that is available to the additional children, is less than the amount that is available to the previous children then your Order of Support may be reduced.

          Knowing your rights and obligations before the children are born would be ideal but knowing your rights and obligations once they are here could certainly make life less tumultuous.
          Be sure to seek legal advice, refer to the plethora of resources or just ask questions before you dare to enter the courtroom.

Contact our office for a consultation.

           Violence against women is a major cause of poverty and a huge barrier to economic opportunity throughout the world, not just here in the U.S.  It keeps women from getting an education, working, and earning the income they need to lift their families out of poverty. It impedes economic development because it can prevent girls from going to school, or stop women from holding jobs or inheriting property, or shut down access to critical health care for themselves and their children.  Efforts to wipe out AIDS and other diseases are compromised when women are beaten for telling their husbands they are infected.  Girls are less likely to attend school when they fear being raped by their teachers.  And research shows that giving women in poor countries economic opportunity empowers them to escape abusive situations.
            The good news is that violence against women is gaining in worldwide recognition and could be prevented successfully by actions taken by our leaders.  The International Violence Against Women Act (I-VAWA), is a groundbreaking piece of legislations that, if passed, would incorporate these solutions into existing U.S. foreign assistance programs. It would support local women’s organizations overseas that are working to to end violence against women in their countries. By promoting women’s economic opportunity, addressing violence against girls in school, and working to change public attitudes, the I-VAWA could have a huge impact on reducing poverty -  freeing women in poor countries to lift themselves, their families, and their communities out of poverty.   The I-VAWA (S.2279) was introduced in the U.S. Senate on October 31, 2007 by Senator Joseph Biden (D-Delaware) and Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana), the authors of the Violence Against Women Act of 1994, 2000 and 2006.  (”VAWA”)

“The International Violence Against Women Act marshals together, for the first time, coordinated American resources and leadership to address this global issue.  I believe the time is now for the United States to get actively engaged in the fight for women’s lives and girls’ futures, and we must begin by preventing and responding to the violence they face,” added Sen. Biden.
 
“We cannot expect to reduce poverty and decrease the spread of diseases such as HIV/AIDS until we have more equitable treatment of women in developing countries.  Empowered and educated women are the key to breaking these cycles,” said Sen. Lugar.
 

           It was developed by the lead sponsors in conjunction with the Women’s Edge Coalition (Edge), Amnesty International USA (AIUSA), the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF), and the help of organizational partners. It is the result of joint efforts from several national women’s organizations, politicians and the United Nations.   Throughout the world, violence against women and girls is perpetrated within marriage and families by husbands, intimate partners and relatives; within communities by strangers and traditional leaders; in the workplace; across international borders as women are trafficked for sex and labor; and as a tool of war by military forces.

          The United States must continue to invest in a world where women feel safe in their homes, on the streets and at their jobs. This will enable them to build better lives for themselves, their families and their communities. Countries can take critical steps in ending violence against women by improving women’s status in society, enforcing laws to protect women and prosecute perpetrators, and offering treatment for women. The United States has the responsibility, has a global leader, to take very critical steps in ending violence against women by:
                     Increasing women’s economic empowerment and education
                     Increasing women’s access to health care
                     Improving security in humanitarian and crisis situations
                     Promoting legal reforms and social norms to address gender-based violence

The bill includes three major provisions to fight violence against women.

1.  It would create a central Office for Women’s Global Initiatives to coordinate US policies, programs, and resources that deal with women’s issues.
2.  It requires a 5-year comprehensive strategy to fight violence against women in targeted countries and provides $172 million a year to support programs that fight violence against women.
3.  It mandates training, reporting mechanisms and a system for dealing with women and girls afflicted by violence during humanitarian, conflict and post-conflict operations.

 

We can fight domestic violence globally and effect change collectiveyly! 

SO TAKE ACTION NOW.  VISIT http://takeaction.amnestyusa.org/ to sign the petition to pass this very important legislation!