Appearing in New York’s Family Courts can be quite an experience. Family Court is the venue replete with emotional turmoil, psychological chaos and sometimes outright bruhahas. But for the person bringing the Family Court proceeding or with a real interest in prevailing in their cause, it is essential to adapt to the climate. Although most people have no idea of what the experience will entail, many have been apprised of the characters, their roles and the “production” they will partake in.

Family Court etiquette is not a procedural or substantive rule written in a handbook or posted on the walls. It is an unspoken course of conduct adhered to by the most savvy at assuming the roles bestowed upon them. Here are some very helpful tips:

1. Always arrive on time. It is in one’s best interest to arrive as early as possible. For most of us spending an entire day in any court is not our ideal way of spending the day when “playing hookie” from work.

2. Check your emotions at the door. We all know how volatile most situations are that lead you to Family Court. However, your ability to keep your emotions in check when presenting your case or defending it, is a factor considered when deciding something as important as the most suitable environment for a child to be reared.

3. There are no enemies in the courtroom. The sooner you realize that no one is “out to get you” the easier it is to uncover the facts and address the real issues.

4. The truth always comes out, so it is better if it comes from you. Most judges have seen it all and heard it all before. They have professional and personal experiences that allows them to discern which party is being more candid than the other. Lying is not countenanced by any of the judges.

5. Have realistic objectives. Many people go into the courtroom expecting to have their case resolved in one day. We are talking about the lives of our children, some of these decisions will affect them for the rest of their lives, they just cannot be resolved in a day.

6. If you don’t understand ask questions. The worst thing you can do to sabbotage your own case is to be unclear of what it is you were directed to do or not to do. No one will fault you for not knowing but you will be faulted for failing to ask when you do not know.

7. Know the role of each player. Everyone in your case plays a particular role. The referee is the judge, the parents are the parties and the lawyers/law guardians are the advocates. The children have no role inside of the courtroom so leave them out of it.

8. Believe it or not, the two of you still have some common interest. Although the relationship might be over, the bond two parents have is lifelong. Not until the child reaches the age of 18, but way beyond.

9. No two cases are alike. Do not expect to have the same outcome as someone else’s. Every circumstance, situation or fact surrounding your case is different. You can’t compare your case with someone else’s no matter how similar they may be.

10. Your child may eventually grow up to be you. Remember your child is likely to mimick everything he/she sees. So the way you present yourself and express your thoughts will be mirrored by your child.

Although there is no sure fire way to help you win your Family Court case, following these practical tips can certainly help you to prepare.

For specific instructions on a particular court, it is always advisable to go to website at courts.state.ny.us