Last week I recognized National Family Month by writing about joint custody which is essentially keeping families intact.  The gist was not necessarily keeping families intact logistically but more in a theoretical sense.  Focusing on the importance of “intact families” has always been one of the main objectives of my practice, and consequently all of my entries, and thus that entry, nor this one, are any different.  My definition of intact family is where the focus is on the child or children, not the parents as individuals.  If both parents keep the emotional, psychological, intellectual and developmental well-being of the child as their paramount concern, then the family will inevitably remain cohesive regardless of the living arrangements.  Even in some cases that had a history of high-conflict, redirecting the focus can be beneficial.  This week I would like to discuss one of the tools I think is underutilized, underemphasized and underestimated in its effectiveness.  Parenting education programs is certainly the way of the future as far as conflict resolution in child custody, child visitation and divorce cases is concerned.  However, since the concept is still a relatively new one in New York, more has to be done to disseminate more information about these valuable resources.  In the last decade, parent education programs have soared in numbers throughout the country.  However, the Chief Judge of New York has just implemented a statewide initiative in 2005 that emphasizes the impact of divorcing or separating families on children.  And although New York has only recently allowed courts to order parents to attend parent education programs (except where there is a history of domestic violence), there are still many judges who will not even make referrals unless an inquiry is made by one of the parties’ or their attorneys.  However, other professionals, i.e. mental health workers, lawyers, agencies, etc. can make referrals to these programs while parents can voluntarily choose to attend.

     It is no surprise, either by some of the previous entries or by other available resources, that divorce or separation has negative affects on children behaviorally, psychologically and emotionally.  However, what may be insightful is the fact that there are methods that can minimize or eradicate these affects by incorporating preventive and intervention measures.  Most parenting education programs focus on such skills as teaching parents how to help their children cope with the dissolution/separation, how to minimize damage to their children from conflict, how to make responsible decisions regarding the children; showing parents how to foster parent-child relationships, encouraging them to co-parent and educating them on effective ways to resolve conflict.  With this as the agenda children are more likely to communicate more openly about their feelings, acquire effective methods of problem-solving, become more resilient and have more self-confidence.  Studies of families that have participated indicate that parents felt that they would not need to litigate their child custody or visitation issues in the future, were better able to deal with their children during the most sensitive times and were able to maintain or improve the parent-child relationship.

     New York has the New York State Parent Education & Awareness Program.  There are several providers throughout the state that are certified by this initiative.  Most of the programs are comprised of one or two sessions, ranging from 4-6 hours per week and are affordable (the cost being no more than $100).  They are usually led by judges, lawyers, mental health professionals who all have experience in child custody and visitation.  Some of the programs also address the impact of domestic violence on child custody and visitation.  The family court in some counties have their own programs, for instance the New York City Family Court P.A.C.T. in New York County, while others are run by agencies, i.e. Catholic Charities, Diocese of Brooklyn and Queens.  Either way, the programs all have common components which include the psychological issues and the legal issues associated with child custody and visitation. 

     In my experience, I have yet to have a judge order the parties to participate in a parenting education course, even in the cases that showed some potential for resolution through the program.  And although many may still question the effectiveness of them, mainly due to  the disparity in the results of various studies’, participation certainly cannot hurt.  I personally make recommendations to my clients to either read some helpful materials or to participate in actual programs in an effort to impart some knowledge of how to help make the process somewhat easier.

Please feel free to contact my office to discuss your child custody or visitation case.